Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
