I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
