So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
