Banned from zoo.
Again?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
