I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Randomize
