Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
