I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
