Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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