I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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