you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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