Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
