he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
