i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
