I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
