I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
