U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
