who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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