Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
