Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
