just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
