last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
