I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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