you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
