He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
we should paint friendship bongs
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
