I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
When are your genitals available?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
