I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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