And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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