Duck Duck Cougar?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
