last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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