She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
