I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
