all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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