btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
