Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
