your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
nutella sex= disaster
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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