I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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