Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
