At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I am one with the molecules
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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