I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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