Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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