So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
