Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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