Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
