I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
