Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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