I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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