my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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