So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Drunk is not a location!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
