Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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