You're so nebulous sometimes
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
