So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
