Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
